Lets Change The Past RM
by StacyyEB
Summary: What if we could go back to one moment and just change that one slight thing, that small thing that would change the OC's outcome forever. Well we're about to find out what happens when Ryan and Marissa share a moement together a bit differently. RR
1. Chapter 1

1**Let's Change The Past (R/M)**

What if we could choose one moment to go back to and make some slight..modifications...Well that what I did...

There is one moment that got me thinking. This will take place during season three, episode nineteen and the changes will change the outcome of it all.

What if Marissa never stopped Sadie from leaving? What if Sadie had actually left? Not on a bad note but on no particular note at all. What if Marissa had been at the lifeguard stand that night before Ryan? And what if he had found her in a slightly more distraught state when he did walk up to the faithful lifeguard stand that night? What would change? How would everything change? Would it change anything at all?

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Why was everything so hard? She didn't understand why life couldn't go her way if only for one day. And now she had no idea what she was doing. Messing up her life perhaps? If she was doing anything that had to be it. And to top it all off Marissa had no one anymore. Herself and her best friend were in a fight, her mom had never really been there for her, so she knew she couldn't become dependent on her for much of anything now, and Ryan, well Ryan was one touchy subject. One she probably preferred she didn't touch.

She sat there on the lifeguard stand. She just didn't understand how her life had got this bad? She took that back, she knew how...Ryan. No wait...Stop! She tells herself, she was always putting the blame on everyone but herself. When all she really had to do was be responsible for her own actions, grow up, mature, be mature, stop blaming everyone else for everything. Now though she was done doing that. It was all her fault and she knew that.

Her fault that Ryan left her, her fault Trey left town, her fault that Ryan had lost his brother, her fault Sadie had Ryan now apposed to her, her fault she was on this downward spiral with Volchok, the alcohol was her fault...so were the drugs. Johnny died and it was all her fault too.

Oh well, right now she was glad to at least be somewhat sober. But bringing that flask to her mouth once again she knew those being sober thoughts, were close to being long gone.

Truth was though she missed Ryan. Misses his touches, kisses, and sweet caresses. She thought of him often and wondered if he was happy. And as time had passed by that was all she wanted for him, to be happy, even if it wasn't with her, and that broke her heart.

She knew, and understood why he needed and wanted a break. Her life was a mess, she was a mess and truth was that time had come that she no longer be his mess. She was a big girl and had to take care of herself or at least learn how. She just wished she knew where to begin.

She couldn't help it though. The days she spent with Volchok. She lost herself and lost sight of everything, at least everything that matter. Her priorities were all out of order. But the alcohol though, it was so tempting, she could live and be free, even if it was only for a night. So often she found herself asking, "Was that such a bad thing? To forget?" It sure was better than remembering.

Whatever, she was over this, or at least she wanted to be, so with one more long satisfying, yet burning drink of her flask she knew all her sobriety was gone, but you know what, she didn't care.

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Today had been a bad day. Ryan Atwood was no longer happy. Walking along the sandy beach shore with nothing but the noises of the waves meeting the sand he was left with nothing to do but contemplate his thoughts.

Sadie had left today. She had left him. But had she really? Can you leave something you never really had?

He was or had been happy with her though. Right? Or was he just fooling himself? He just couldn't figure it out though, if she didn't make him happy tough, what did?

Ahhh, he just wanted to scream, he was so tired of these constant thoughts. He was so confused. What else was knew. Lately that was the only thing he had been.

Whatever, right now Sadie had just left him and he knew he had the right to brood. So that was exactly what he was planning to do. That's why he was here, heading up to the lifeguard stand. He knew that place always did something for Marissa, for him and Marissa.

Marissa, Marissa, Marissa. He didn't even want his thought to drift there. Yet, he couldn't help it.

He knew she was doing bad. Especially after learning she was with or at least hanging out with Volchok.

Volchok, how he hated that guy. He was all bad news and he knew it. What could Marissa possibly see in that guy? She could do so much better, she deserved so much better. _She deserved Ryan. _But for his own sake, he wouldn't let his mind wander that last thought.

Right nowthough he wondered what she was doing. Good, he hoped. He knew more than likely she just needed some guidance. She needed a reason to want to get and do better.

_Could he be that reason?_

He decide right there and then, he wanted to see her. Needed t. He had to talk to her. Not only for his own good but for hers too. So tomorrow_...or sometime this week...whenever he was ready, _he would go find her and have a talk with her.

Approaching the lifeguard stand, he sees a figure there. Immediately he recognizes it. Her slim, petite figure, her long graceful legs, her deliciously scented, soft, honey blonde tresses, her utterly kissable lips, her flawless facial features. He recognizes her, recognizes her flask. He recognizes it all.

Now he knew tomorrow...or sometime this week was going to happen a lot sooner than he thought. And he didn't know if he was really ready for it...or how ready for it he was...


	2. Chapter 2

_AN: Thank you for all the reviews. Im glad you all like the idea of this fic. Well in my opinion here come 2072 words of pure crap_ :D _Hope you like it...Please R/R_

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Looking up he was met with the site of her shabby and shattered appearance, as he took in her fragile body his thoughts and fears were founded and he knew she hadn't been doing well. Obviously this downhill self-treatment she was doing was working.

Placing his first steps on the ramp he had got to know so well over time he focused on looking down at his shoes, walking at a slow pace not really ready for what was coming he wanted nothing more than to turn around and run, run back to some kind of safety, run back home and hide in the confines and privacy that was his pool house.

Finally looking up and into her face he was met with a sight he wasn't exactly prepared for. Her eyes. The eyes that were once full of life, energy and love now held nothing more that an empty, hollow, dull, and lifeless meaning of life in them. He saw the glazed over look in them, the way the alcohol had made her eyes look, glazed over and unfocused, he could sense her either extremely tired and about to fall asleep or so drunk she was ready to pass out. He guessed the second one was right.

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Forcing her eyes open as she heard feet grave into the sand and then transform onto harder footsteps on the wood she inwardly hoped that it was Kevin, that he was worried she didn't call and wanted to see how she was doing. To make sure she was okay and would get home safe. But deep down she knew those hopes were beyond unfounded? Why? Because we were talking about Kevin Volchok.

Looking up forcibly and with a good amount of effort she became more and more surprised by the person approaching her as he got closer. She wondered what he was doing here. Didn't he have better things to do. People to see and places to be. Maybe, just _maybe_, he was here because he wanted to see her, see how she was doing. _Yeah right_, he didn't care, not anymore anyhow, but, _wonder what he is doing here?_

Somewhat expecting him to slide down next her and sit, she didn't know what to say, what should she say, did she even have the energy to speak...without slurring and thinking rationally? Oh gosh, how was she ever going to do this, with every intestine in her body going crazy she just wanted to hide from him. With her little bit of energy though she knew couldn't provoke Ryan into getting angry at her so looking down one last time at her side and flask she picked it up and discarded it into her pocket. There, now he would never know she was drinking.

She was surprised though...he didn't sit down.

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Ryan didn't know what he wanted to do, did he want to stay, did he want to go? He wasn't sure. So undecidedly and one last look at the broken girl starring up at him, all he did was move over to face himself and his body away from her and now all he is doing is looking over the railing. Starring out into the ocean though he knows the calm of the water, the peace and beauty of the sky, and the sight of the eerily well feeling sand wasn't gonna give him answers. Only Marissa would.

So with one last look to the sea he turned around and faced Marissa and noticed she was now reclining her body to the wooden life guard stand as best as she could so she could get as much support from it as possible as her body was becoming more and more overcome and overwhelmed by the sensations of the alcohol.

Marissa though still noticed him and she did have things to say to him. Hoping he would listen she spoke as firmly as she could, the hope etched into her still soft voice, "Sit" she tells Ryan more of a question then a command, and although she wanted it to come out for forcibly and command like she was glad she had at least made the first the first move of the night.

Locking gazes, the clash of the blue irises seemed so indulgent that neither could break it, her slight slumped eyelids against his piercing pupils seemed to be a match made forever. Giving in, Ryan was first to break their gaze and he moved his back against the wooden structure and began to slide down until he rested against the stand, keeping an admirable distance between the two long ago lovers.

As few minutes pass by and neither have spoken a word Ryan decides to begin, but not really knowing how, "How have you been?" almost asked in a bitter question he decides he doesn't have to show her that he's been worried about her, he doesn't have to show her how much he cares.

Sensing his harshening tone she knew that she couldn't pretend that everything was perfect, that they were fine, that she was fine, or that the past month hadn't happened. So in her intoxicated state she began to answer him, words slurring occasionally, "I've been good." She begins to speak in her drunken mood and state before continuing, trying to gain some sophistication to her words but failing, "You know just been around." she finishes, shutting her eyes momentarily. Raising her hand to brush some of her wind blown hair behind her ears, taking a deep breath after, as if the small action took a lot from her.

"Around" Ryan says bitterly, "Do that's what you call it now" He mumbles almost under his breath, barely loud enough for her to hear.

"What" she says as she snaps back at him, his words hurting her more then he knew. "Call what?" she asks, her voice as fierce as she can make it. As she tries to sit up and bring her knees up to her chest, she turns around to face him as her eyes darken and she can feel herself begin to feel angry.

"Come on Marissa" Ryan begins in a snarl as he too can feel the anguish and anger in him rise, "Don't act dumb, I know what you've been doing. And who you've been doing it with." He continues as he knows this conversation was already going all wrong but couldn't help the feelings he was experiencing either. He couldn't pretend to be fine, and he knew they couldn't talk the way he wanted them to, at least not yet, not today. Marissa was drunk, and he knew it. How could he risk putting himself and his feelings out there when she could possibly not even remember this tomorrow?

"You have no idea" Marissa began, lifting a pointing finger at him, "what you're talking about." She continued to talk in slurs as she felt her own voice boom in her head and she continued to feel more dizzy and intoxicated but didn't let it discourage her from continuing her argument, "I've been on my own," She began again to explain how she had been feeling lately, by her disagreements with her best friend, to her feelings of abandonment by her mother, and her deepest feelings of loneliness she had lately been suffering from. "I feel like I can't talk to anybody anymore," She continued as her chest began to rise and fall with every one of her words and she heaved with heavy breathing. "And...and ...and" She couldn't finish anymore as not only did she feel at a loss for words but a ringing had cut through her words.

Ryan was utterly and completely shocked. Where was all this coming from? Did she really feel this way? Sober or not. Or was it really just the alcohol speaking? A part of him wanted to forget the last month even happened, forget that there were now boundaries between them, and forget that she was now hanging out with Volchok.

Bringing him out of his thoughts he heard a cell phone ringing, not recognizing the ringing of it as his own he knew it was Marissa's, turning to look at her he noticed she had a far off, dazed look to her, blocking out the rest of the world, along with her phone. So as his curiosity peaked

and her cell phone poked out of her pocket he made a haste decision. He wanted to see who was calling.

Slowly reaching his hand over to her pocket, just the amount necessary, he let out a sigh and a breath he didn't even know he was holding and clutched Marissa's phone now closer to his chest. Looking down at it he instinctively let his hand turn to fists. Making a split second decision he gave one more glance down at the phone and flipped it open, pressing it to his ear.

"Yeah" He answers the phone is a snide tone as he knew all his reason for politeness and knowledge of pleasantries and niceness went out the window the second he saw Volchok's name flash on the phone screen.

"Who's this?" Volchok answers in a definite tone, as he is mildly puzzled by the male tone on the other side of the line. But as he felt almost the automatic click in his head, he knew he was on the other line, " Well, well," he began in his snidest and mocking tone, "If it isn't Atwood, what's going on little bitch, why are you hanging out with my girl?" he questions as his rudeness, crooked smile, and squinted eyes can almost seep through the phone line.

"Your girl?" Ryan questions as he shakes his head and wishes he could punch the guy, "I don't think she's your girl, and she will never be your girl, so if you know what's good for you I think you'll wanna stay away from her" Ryan tells Volchok warningly, knowing if he ever sees him hanging around Marissa again it wouldn't take much to beat the living daylights out of him.

"You see" Volchok begins snidely, " I think that's where you're wrong, because she certainly disagreed with you last night" Volchok points out immaturely and teasingly, and continuing before Ryan had the chance to, "Especially when she was yelling my name" he finishes knowing he's fully succeeded in angering Ryan to the fullest.

Clenching and unclenching his left hand while his right one held the phone to his ear he took a deep breath to attempt to calm himself before almost yelling into the phone wanting to have the last words, "Well that as in the past, when she was into trash" He points out testily before continuing, "So from now on delete her number from your phone, stop calling her, and stay away, or you will get what's coming to you." Ryan finishes off, definite in himself and his words.

"Well then" but before Volchok could even begin to work up his words again...Ryan had hung up.

Shutting the phone rapidly Ryan takes a few deep breaths, calming himself until he feels his first let up and turn to look to Marissa once again.

But before even getting a word out, he sees Marissa is already passed out. Half laying and sitting on the wooden structure half-hazardously he felt his heart ache for this girl. This girl which he knew was once and maybe again the only true love of his life. He was transfixed in her beauty, he wanted to just hold her fragile body in his strong, compelling arms and never let her go.

Snapping out of his thoughts as he saw her teeth simultaneously begin to chatter from the coldness he stood up only to try and figure out what to do. He knew he couldn't leave her here so bending down to pick her up he struggled to get her body to lay comfortably in his arms before finally letting her head rest on his shoulder as his strong arms supported her light body as he began his descent down the wooden ramp. Hopefully after she got a good nights rest in the pool house, they could talk, once she was awake, well rested and well fed...sober, he knew he had to make things right and only then they could talk, only then he could, _hopefully._

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_R/R_


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